Becareful What You Wish For
What did i used to do with my time? Here i am totally immobilized,
sitting at my computer waiting for an email from you and
this is after spending who knows how long reading every
email you ever sent me and many that i have sent you and for
a lot of them it wasn't even the first second or third
reading. So, next week no contact at all. John is really
looking forward to geting away, i think he wants to get me
away from you. He is disturbed. i have reassured him, I hope
i am not lying. My temptations for actual contact come in
flashes like my cravings for certain foods
do. At this moment i am extremely excited. It's a good
thing girls can hide their excitement, otherwise Id have
fucking hard-ons during our workouts. Did you get one once?
I was afraid to stretch you because i thought you might.
I know you have gone to work and I probably wont here from
you today at all, or at least too late, and if John's
home I wont be checking cuz, well already explained that.
Here's the fantasy, and i know you share it, help me!!!
Here's my fantasy, the drive, top down, night time,
smoking a joint, my hand on your thigh. That my friend would
do it for me. Id probably fucking come with that. Ok here's
something i can't tell you, i am extremely orgasmic.
If anything I am trying not to because once i do i'm pretty
much wanting it to be over.
And while were on the subject,
at least I get fucked.
This is helping me for i can at least get this out of me, and
then the fantasy is 1., telling you about this and making
you absolutely crazy and 2., letting you read this and killing
you altogether! Some friendship huh?
I go to sleep every night thinking about you, i wake up every
morning thinking about you, oh and in-between and can't
wait for your workouts and my heart beats faster every time
i am going to pick you up at the bike. I am actually AMAZED
at how composed i seem to be because i am not!!!
About getting out of the gym, this is really critical..
There is no hiding from anyone with 1/2 a brain, or eyeballs
for that matter that we are energizing :)
Ok, fantasy, i send this, subject: can you handle pornography.
your reaction, good. the temptation is so strong. I thought
this would make me feel better, it is not, it's making
it worse!!!
I've got to find something more productive to do with
my time, but i don't want to do anything but well, be
with you. Do you have it this bad, i think youmight. you say
some things in your emails that certainly leave that impression.
oh, and i like that you call me babe , the babe thing, what
is wrong with me. you put a spell on me baby... Oh, that must
be it, i have been bewitched, and Janice gone the whole month
of august and i know your thinking what i'm thinking
because you got a head start and of course not but oh jeez
and fuck.
Just got 2 from you, made my day i'm sure i will
read it many more times, you are bringing out the bad in me.
Why can i not keep it at bay. I've had a pretty good long
run though. i never thought i would have any temptation
like this, i am an idiot. God is testing me, i am failing and
you are the one who i am going to count on to save me. Oh let
us pray.