Observation about Saying No with Reasons
I've been on this site off and on for a year or two. And
I have read articles in this section and the rants and raves
section several times so I've seen both sides of the
ongoing discussion about saying no thanks. As a man, I can
understand the frustration of getting no response to the
many contacts I might make to women who seem to be a match,
but I also understand women's arguments that they
get overwhelmed with messages and the fact that many contacts
come from people are obviously not a match if they would
only read the profile. I've noticed that some women
feel that one should assume that a none response means no
interest. Other very courteous women will try to respond
to everyone even if the only response is No, thanks.
or I'm not interested. I've seen
some recent articles from women taken exception to men
who want to know why they said no or are not interested. It
seems most women don't feel they should have to answer
that question. And of course, they don't have to answer
that question any more than they have to respond at all.
But I certainly don't think its unreasonable. Women
are generally better communicators than men, but in this
environment they seem to get very quiet.
Women can verbalize about many other subjects under the
sun, but are hesitant to initiate contact with a man or men
in whom they are interested. Also they refuse or are incapable
of articulating the reason they are not interested in someone
who contacts them here.
I'm not talking about a person
who is obviously not a match, the person who saw red x's
everywhere when they looked at your profile. I'm talking
about the person who's profile is completely filled
out and saw green checks and had a 100% match. Of course,
I think many times, the simple reason is that they are not
attracted to the person. Sometimes, people like to use
vague words like, there is no chemistry or he wasn't
my type, but the simple fact is the person didn't look
good to the woman or maybe even the man was ugly to the woman
and often they worry about hurting a person's feelings.
It can be other things as well. I'm not going to futilely
ask that women say no thanks and include the reason why they
said no. I understand that would open up another can of worms
as some men might try to debate whether the reason is a problem
or not or might try to change something about themselves
that really can't be changed. However, I will say that
some of us have thicker skin than you might think and some
of us would not debate or try to correct the reason unless
its something where there's room for negotiation
and you ask for some compromise. I never answer a no thanks
or i'm not interested message with a but, why?.
Further, if I were ever to receive a message with the text
I'm not interested because I don't like
the color of your eyes or the shape of your head or because
you're just plain ugly or Your hobbies
disgust me.
, I would not get mad. It would just be
nice to know exactly why the lady is not interested. My comments
are written hypothetically. I don't ask for or expect
any change in general behavior. It's just an observation
and my thoughts. Thanks for reading.